i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
