Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
