If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
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