you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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