holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
