Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize
