I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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