The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
