spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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