He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
