There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
