The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
