I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
