You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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