Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
