that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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