so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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