all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
