Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
