She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Randomize
