just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
