Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
