I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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