True but thats because hes a fetus.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
