she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
smell my finger.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
