It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
