I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
