Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
