Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
