Are you still at the party or did I leave?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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