I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
