lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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