Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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