i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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