Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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