Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
