Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
