last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
