i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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