Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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