I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
