Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Randomize
