omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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