yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
