great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
