we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
