She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
These tits shall not be calmed
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
