haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
