Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
