the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Randomize
